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Fear Revisited

Tonight concluded my wedding season. I photographed three weddings this weekend, the last of the year, with only four weddings left for the year. It will be frightening to have my Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays clear…
Looking back on a blog post dated December 19th, 2007, titled “Fear” I have to smile and admit how much I have learned this year, and how much more I have yet to learn. If you stop learning, then what’s the point of living if you know everything?
Why be afraid? Unless you are using that fear to push you into action..fear will do nothing but hinder your development…your evolution…it makes you live in the future or in the past..it constricts you…it makes you mistrust your decisions and second guess what you’re doing. It causes insecurity.
My mother has been my mother (always wanting the best for me..to be happy), but fearful for me, sending me all the forwarded emails…don’t accept business cards from strangers (burundanga), don’t signal your brights when someone is driving in the opposite directions with their brights on (they could be a gang member and come kill you), etc. etc. You get the point. I delete those emails after reading a quarter way through, I do not need to accept fear into my life. I have lived in fear for too many years, I don’t want to be afraid. I look at it this way…
If God has decided that my life will end..(in any sort of fear-based way), then so be it. How can I argue with God? If God has chosen this lesson for me to learn (or remember), then it’s a lesson I welcome with open arms. I will absolutely do my best to learn what I can from the lesson and do my best to retain the experience and knowledge, and I will make mistakes, but I will do everything in my faith in myself to make it work..to make it happen…because…failure is not an option for my life…and my life in photography. I welcome learning, I welcome experience and advice from others….I will not refrain myself….because—I’m afraid—.
Life is what it is, learn from the past (and your mistakes, and of course acknowledge your mistakes first), LIVE in the present, and pray for the future. Appreciate what have right this minute..Enjoy it take it in…
(Give me two months, I may sing a completely different tune…but we’ll see…)
(And if you think I’m full of BS, let me know….I honestly have no idea what I’m doing, I’m just going with it, and having fun in the process)
My beautiful groom, Jermaine dancing with his spiritual mother during Jermaine’s and Bailey’s wedding today in beautiful Folsom, Calif. I’m so happy for you both…I only pray the best for you both. Thank you for allowing me to an aspect of your wedding.